HB here I come.

This will be my new home in 2 weeks.

Hermosa Beach.

Photo: Nathalie Tan

So many changes are occuring and all within 2 months.

Graduating from Meisner, graduating from FIDM, moving.

Its all very overwhelming but in a very wonderful way!

These changes and transitions are what make life beautiful.

I am so excited to waitress (hopefully- still on the hunt) and beginning my acting career.

I am ready to take on more responsibilities of life and of becoming an adult.

I am ready to wake up in the morning to the ocean and go for a run!

I am ready to probably struggle a bit financially.

I am ready for the successes and failures of this journey in developing my career.

I am ready for new friendships.

I am ready for it all!!

It'll be a tough but happy, courageous, strengthening, powerful, wonderful and silly road :)

It'll be so worth it.

Heres to:

A new chapter.

A new beginning.

-N

Joy.

This past Sunday, I checked out a new church called Hope Chapel Christian Church in Hermosa Beach. It was actually quite wonderful and I was very impressed with the pastor. I am trying to find a home church and this one is a huge possibility!

Anyway, the experience was undeniably refreshing and so was the sermon. It was about prayer. Nothing crazy and out of the box..simple- but powerful. It reminded me how truly powerful and necessary prayer is. Also, now necessary it is to have a relationship with God.

We cannot do this on our own. We need Him. To be faithful, committed and have a loving, passionate, deep and unending relationship with God-so necessary. I have been praying a lot more in the last month, rekindling my relationship with Him. It has been amazing. How funny is it that when you choose to distance yourself from Him and decide you can go through this crazy thing called life on your own- it comes crashing down. No matter how "spiritual" or "happy" or "organized and well planned" you are or how many "good thoughts" you think and try to put in yourself and in the world- it never works! It never works and if it somewhat does- it is false. It is being held together by the stickiness of the world and not the UNFAILING "super glue" - if you will- of GOD. Nothing else will give you the JOY you feel when things are of God, held by God, given by God.

So pray, tell him, ask him....have a relationship with him! :)

You are valid.

What a night. Seriously..wow.

On my way home from hermosa, I had an incredible yet simple realization...more of a reminder.... I am valid.

To whoever is reading this, I want you to know what ever you feel is okay. Dont try to say or be anything you are not. Often times, we look back on past moments and conversations..and we wish it went differently. We wish we were stronger, bolder, or softer. No, please dont wish anything differently because what ever you felt and said in that moment was true. Your truth. Dont wish your truth away. It does not matter what society says or thinks about how you should be in a given situation. When you speak from your heart its valid because your heart is you and you are valid.

Thoughts run through my head...gosh I said too much, I was too nice, I was unclear, I should have been colder here, I should have been sweeter in that moment though...NO NO NO...Dont do that to yourself. Dont torture yourself because I have learned, whatever I said, its my true self, unplanned, unrestricted...whatever they gave me, I responded and that response is legitimate no matter what it was. ahhhh blabbbing.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Out of sight, out of mind. Its dangerous. I have learned over and over again that healing does not mean ignoring and forgetting about the issue at hand and the emotions involved.

It always means confronting the situation. ...which means re-awakening and living through certain emotions again- and it hurts for a moment, but only for a moment. After that, you get through it and you realize you are okay. You heal. Even if its just a little bit, you heal. It happens. Its amazing.

Its kind of ironic how you have to feel the pain to heal from the pain.

Gosh, why am I so morbid and emotional. haha....ah its good for me. Its good for everyone. Thats life. Thats living.

Living is feeling. Feeling is living.

:)

jka;sdjfieka;sd

blessed.

So tell me, whens it gonna happen.

A child knows.

I have been wondering...about love. Whats new. During a very unusual time, in a very unusual place(trust me), I started to wonder:

Do children understand love better than we do?

I asked myself, "what does love mean to me?"

..what does it entail, desire, need...

What does it mean to love, to be loved?

I began to think...

Adults have a very hard time grasping the concept of love. Really, most of us do.

That is why relationships are so complicated no matter the extent of the relationship. You can be all idealistic and say its simple..but come on now.

Think about our society today and how skewed our perceptions are on too many things...

Love being one of them.

If we truly knew what it was and everything surrounding it, it wouldn't be so difficult.

As you get older, I believe the idea, meaning and understanding of love either becomes diluted and/or polluted. Everything becomes too convoluted.

This is due to life experiences and worldly influences. We are pushed and pulled in so many directions.

We loose sight of what is real.

What is true.

It is very possible they know better than we do.

They have a more pure understanding of it.

I think in one sense, children do understand love better than we do. They know when they love someone and its very natural to them. What they feel, what they know and how they express it. It simply is what it is.

And also, think about the cazillion witty, insightful and profound things children say all the freaking time.

What is the truth of love.

What does it mean, in the most simplistic way?

A child knows.

-N