I fear to be alone, yet fear to be confined.
Right now, my fear of confinement, as well as commitment is much stronger.
Apparently.
Being single is so interesting.
Its challenging, yet rewarding.
Its very freeing,
but the freedom is bittersweet as I miss having a companion.
I really haven't ever been single.
More and more I am seeing the importance of being okay with spending time with yourself-Getting to know yourself without a counterpart.
Also, doing things for yourself.
Finding yourself means something different for everyone.
But in general- its getting out there and experiencing life. Experiencing different things so that you know what you want and need and should go back to.
It means dating other people, traveling, making new friends, making mistakes.
Its like the saying "you can't appreciate love without hate" or joy without pain. You can't possibly just "know" who you want to spend the rest of your life with until you've experienced what you don't want. You need to experience more of life to know what you need to be happy and who to be happy with, what you want from life, and from that person etc.
Its a process. But its happening.
Each day I am healing from several things.
But after much hurt and heartache, confusion, and uncertainty..
I can say that I am OK with everything.
Ok that I dont know.
Ok that I am hurt by one and in love with another.
Ok that I am an emotional wreck and write crazy things when blogging...
Beacuse I am so excited about life.
There's much to be excited about.
I am loving the people God is placing in my life.
I am ecstatic about moving to hermosa beach and living with my two best friends.
New adventures.
New memories.
There are ups and downs but at the end of the day, I am blessed beyond belief.
I cannot forget that.
At the end of the day, there are plenty of opportunities for you to be happy and enjoy life no matter what situation you are in.
Your circumstances always provide opportunities- whether your circumstances are what you envisioned or not.
-N
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