Run Away.

I can't tell you when it originated but for as long as I can remember now, I have had this burning desire that shoots straight to the depths of my heart to -run away.-

For the holidays this year, it was quite unexpected to feel such relief being in a familiar environment. I have been craving change, adventure and ...something magical for so long that I really didn't think I would feel so at peace the moment I was in Washington. It was nice. It was nice to be siting in the back seat of a car, looking out to a clear, calm and chilled day, trying to catch each branch, each building as they passed by too quickly...not having any other care in the world..not feeling anything else except feeling 'okay.'

I realized: We too often try to escape it- but sometimes, the familiar is what we need.

This lasted only for a short while. Which was fine. It was a good reminder. But now that I am back in Hermosa....I have that feeling again. More than ever, I do. I believe a part of it is because I literally want to run away from things that are going on in my life. I know thats not necessarily the best or most mature way to think. And oh what a tough life I have- I live at the beach..right? The other part, I believe is because there's something out there that I, in particular need to experience, need to discover, need to see, to feel.......Its not just your ordinary desire to "travel and see the world," or the feeling of being "sick of this damn place and I just want to get out" type of feeling. Its more than that. It almost feels like a prerequisite for my life, before I can move onto anything else. It feels like a necessity for my existence. It feels inescapable. It feels like God planted it there in my heart and wove it simultaneously with my soul. It feels like it was in me since the moment He thought of me.

What is out there? What am I searching for? I am fulfilled in many ways..through many ways- but this is one piece I have yet to find, to figure out. Not until I actually pick up, and leave.

And run away.

This is me.

I want a conversation that comes with ease and not effort.

I want to sell all of my belongings and run away to..the world.

I want to know at first glance, that I have found my soulmate.

I want to find stability but never feel tied down.

I want to be able to articulate every single emotion that runs through me.

I want to always feel what I feel. Feel it all. Feel it deeply.

I want someone to understand.

I want success.

I want to know what the definition of success is.

I want to feel passion from another human being.

I want a kiss to linger for more than just a moment.

I want to see my dreams become reality.

I want more money.

I want to not want money.

I want to speak with someone through a silent conversation and for both of us to understand everything spoken..or rather, felt.

I want someone to love me for the things that I do not already see in myself.

I want to have children.

I want a marriage so alive that my heart skips a beat every time I am even in the presence of my husband (whoever he is).

I want others to see who Jesus is in me, even though I am far from perfect.

I want a pet elephant.

I want to make a difference in Cambodia.

I want to always have a compassionate heart.

I want to always be grateful for my life.

I wan to bottle up the sound of the ocean and share it with those who have never heard it or seen it.

I want people to be able to speak the truth of their heart and not be condemned for it.

I want to remember every one I have ever encountered.

I want memories to last forever, because sometimes it fades.

I want to swim with whales.

I want to go skydiving.

I want everyone in my family to be happy.

I want everyone to find beauty in heartbreak, in an airpot, on a bus, anywhere, everywhere.

I want everyone to be amazed by a twig on the ground, the lines of the telephone pole or the sound of footsteps.

I want life to fly by only because I am living it so fully.

Paperweight.....

‎"....on my back, cover me like a blanket. Mess up my bed, with me. Kick off the covers, I'm waiting. Every word you say, I think I should write down. Don't want to forget, come daylight.."

I don't know.

Hearts are tangled in this city.

The lights are bright. They pierce through souls.

Exposing the secrets, buried so deep- mistaken for trash.

We are all human, we are all worn.

But its what makes us beautiful.