New found peace.

First of all, I believe in good souls. So many people who I am not even close friends with have reached out to make sure I am ok! I assure you, I am! haha.. If you don't know me too well, you might be taken aback by the things I write. I just constantly have many thoughts running through my head and when I put them in words and choose to express what I think or how I feel, it comes across in a very intense way. It may also seem a little intense because people don't normally share to the extent that I do. But thats just who I am! I am not being dramatic, its just what I think and feel. After reading the more morbid/sad/angry posts, please never envision me sitting in a corner balling my eyes out because I think some of you do! Its not the case at all. My days are normal. I don't drag my feet with a frown on my face and bags under my eyes. Are some days harder than others? Yes. But we all have those days. Are some moments harder than others? Yes. But we all have those moments. I just so happen to be having them a little more frequently than what I am used to. That happens to everyone. I have a good head on my shoulders and a solid foundation. Don't worry friends! But know, I appreciate every message and all of the kind words that have been sent and said. No matter how small or large the gesture, I am incredibly thankful and touched by how caring and thoughtful people have been.

Now that you know I am not depressed and suicidal, we can move on...

I have a story to share. Something that happened to me today. Something pretty powerful. I was getting ready for work standing in my bathroom area. I know I was recapping my afternoon at the gym with Nickie and I just thought about what a blessing it was to have her in my life during this specific time of my life. Then in one moment, a sense of peace came over my body entirely. It just hit me. Simultaneously, I was reminded that: everything happens for a reason. The past few months of my life ran through my mind in chronological order. It seemed like it only took a few seconds but I was able to see it all and grasp the events. It is absolutely okay if you are not spiritual or do not have any belief in God/Christ- but I do. So of course, I believe God was pouring his peace on me and speaking this to me-reminding this. Pretty powerful, pretty emotional.

I believe with all of my heart that everything happens for a reason and that the sequence of life does not happen in an arbitrary fashion. Not at all. I get caught up in a single event and forget to take a step back to look at the bigger picture..seeing that its all for a purpose. When certain events occur in our lives, we tend to ask ourselves, "why?" I suppose in a way, I got my "why" answered but in a very general way. When you look back on your life, doesn't it always seem like one thing happened, so that another thing could happen, so that it could bring you to this place or that person...and it continues. Its never ending. And no matter what, it always seems to work out, it always seems to be, perfect. The way its suppose to be. I don't know about you, but I find that true in my life! Certain things happened and it felt like I was supposed to be there for one reason, but at the end of it all, it was for another reason. You can never see these things while you are going through it. I just feel like I am where I am and its perfect. How perfect that I have this new friendship and new pursuit right now in my life. You meet the people you do for a reason, desires are put on your heart for a reason, you travel to places for a reason. Everything that has happened in the past few months is for a reason!!!!!! It just brings me so much comfort. Its like, gosh, don't get caught up in it all. Everything will be fine. Everything is fine. Am I still sad? Yesssssssssss. But after today, after this moment I had, I have a better sense of peace and hope. I am encouraged and I feel soooooooooo ridiculously blessed. So so so so blessed.

Maybe that did not make any sense. But just know this-

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

So find peace and comfort in that.

Love,

Nat.